Possibly the only thing more depressing that eating dinner with a roomful of vegetarians is making dinner for them.
To make this a slightly more tractable experience, we have embarked upon a taxonomy of the different kinds of vegetarians that we know and love, and sorted and labelled them in a manner convenient and dehumanizing.
| Type | Sub-type | Synopsis | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|
| I | Eats meat | May be fashoniably or indifferently vegetarian on a part-time basis. | |
| I | B | Eats white meat only | Hi Pege! |
| II | Eats seafood | Depressingly common, also called pesco vegetarianism. | |
| II | B | Eats seafood without an endoskeletal backbone | Crustaceans, shellfish, squid. Hi Ivana! |
| III | No meat | Nothing that ever walked, swam or flew, but open season on vegetables and animal products. Also called Ovo-lacto vegetarians. | |
| III | B | Buddhists | No meat, no root vegetables, no onion or garlic. |
| IV | No animals or animal products | Forests and plantations tremble in terror at their approach. Also called vegans. | |
| V | No plant corpses | Basically seeds and fruit. Discussions about the right to life of embryos strictly off-limits at the dinner table. Also called Fructo-vegetarians. |